I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
