why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
