Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
