what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
