My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
