It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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