He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
