don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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