She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
