I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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