If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
