Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
