You just made me feel so damn special
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
