i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm at about main and main street
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
