shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
