1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
