I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
