On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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