I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
