I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
