420 ftw
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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