so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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