a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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