is your mom at the bar?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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