i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize