I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
