READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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