So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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