During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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