Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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