Non-Jews are for practice
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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