i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
