She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
