Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
