I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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