IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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