Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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