You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
