so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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