my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Randomize
