Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
