I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
