Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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