That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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