Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
