I think I am morally bankrupt
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
