I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize