I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
