Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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