Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
