Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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