Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize