Swine flu. Run for my life!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
