Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize