I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
