you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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