just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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