i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
