there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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