went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
