I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
