hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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