careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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