So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
